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Sneak: We do education on multiplicity, so we get asked a lot of questions.  This is fine; the reason we educate is because our experience is so rarely talked about that we haven't found somebody else to do it as well as we feel that we can.  We like answering questions about our world and our life! :D

Rogan: The problem comes when we get these ill-advised questions.

Sneak: The rude, offensive questions.

Rogan: The PAIN IN THE ASS questions.

Sneak: Now, if it was just once, it would be okay, because you know, people do that.

Rogan: The problem is, we get asked these questions over, and over, and over.

Sneak: We also get people on the total opposite side of the fence, people who are so scared of offending us that they won't ask anything.  Which is almost as problematic, in a different way.

Rogan: So we're here to help!  We're going to put all those ill-advised questions and their answers in one big post, and if anyone asks us them, we can just point them at this deviation.  That way, our over-polite readers can find out what kind of questions piss us off, and which kind of questions are okay.  And our readers who think these questions and really wish they knew the answer will know without having to actually badger us in person.

Sneak: So here it is!  Ill-advised questions to ask a multi!

Question #1: Are you dangerous?

Rogan: If there was ever a question I wish I never had to answer again upon coming out, it would be "are you dangerous?" Gavin deBecker, in his book the Gift of Fear claims that is in fact a reasonable question, but I disagree with him.

Sneak: If you really wanted to get philosophical about it, just about anyone could be dangerous, in certain environments, and we're no exception to that.  I mean, sure, I'd like to think that I'm a very nice person who would never hurt anybody, but then again, I've never really been put into a situation where I've had to.

Rogan: Exactly.  This question is, in a way, impossible to answer.  Really, people who ask this question want to know whether we'll attack somebody.  The really frustrating thing is nobody asks this before we come out.

Sneak: For those of you who've never seen us in person, we don't "look" dangerous.  We're five-foot-four, skinny, and we don't have a lot of upper body strength, though we have great cardiovascular health.  If anything, I think this question says more about what people think is dangerous--we go from "young boy or young woman, not a threat" to "mentally ill person, possibly dangerous." That's a pretty big change!

Rogan: This question is ill-advised because it presumes that being multiple is dangerous, and something we have to disprove with our good behavior, even if you thought we were totally not dangerous for the years you knew us before.  Now, popular media has a lot to blame for this--Jekyll and Hyde, Multiple Migs from Silence of the Lambs, things on this list here--but still, it's very annoying.

Sneak: So, in other words, would you have asked us this question before?  No?  Then please don't ask us it now.

Question #2: How do you have sex?

Sneak: I, luckily, never have to deal with this question, because I'm asexual and aromantic, which means I don't want to date or have sex with anyone.  And I'm glad!

Rogan: I, on the other hand, get this question a lot, because I'm married to Mac, another system member.  People apparently aren't very imaginative in their sex lives, if they have such a difficult time figuring out mine.

Sneak: Part of this is because I think people are fundamentally confused as to what being multiple is like for us.  We're not one person who "switches modes," like how Singlet Joe goes to work and puts on his Working Personality, then comes home to his kids and puts on his Family Time Personality.  We're many people who express ourself through one body, so that generally, you can only see one of us at a time.

Rogan: Our body is like a car.  Just because you see one car doesn't mean there's only one person in the car.  You just don't see them driving it.

Sneak: The analogy isn't perfect, but it's good enough for this.  So just because you don't see me and Rogan at the same time doesn't mean we aren't interacting behind the scenes.  He might be giving me a noogie, or talking to me, or making silly faces at you where you can't see it.

Rogan: On a more prurient level, I think a lot of people just think sex is interesting, and queer multi sex must therefore be very exotic and peculiar.  Except here's the thing: I see my sex life as personal, and I don't feel comfortable talking to people about it.  Maybe one day, a great multi sex educator will arrive on the scene, but that person ain't me.  I will answer questions about my sex life to friends, but they rarely ask, because they usually figure it out on their own once they get to know me better.

Sneak: It's really not rocket science.  People just act like it is.

Question #3: why do you hate the psych system?

Rogan: Arrrgh!

Sneak: For the record, we've been very lucky to have had a pretty good experience with the mental health industry.  We've only been to one therapist, really, and we've been going to her for years because she's the right person for us.  She has helped us through a lot of hard times, even when we couldn't afford to pay her, and we have a lot to thank her for!

Rogan: However, just because a member of the institution is amazing doesn't mean the institution is perfect.  Far from it.

Sneak: Historically, the mental health industry has done a lot of problematic things, and still does.  Now, just about all industries have done bad things, but the psych industry personally interacts with us, and we're more aware of it than most people.

Rogan: For instance, if Singlet Joe has a fight with his roommate, and his roommate says, "I'll get you institutionalized!" he can usually just laugh it off because he knows it will never happen.  If a similar situation happens to us, and our hypothetical roommate knows we're multi, we actually can get pretty freaked out, because there's actually a snowball's chance in hell that this can happen.  It's not much of a chance, but still.

Sneak: This isn't just a hypothetical thing for us.  We've had an institutionalization scare twice.  It never came to anything, but it's still really scary!  We've known people--friends, acquaintances--who the mental health system has hurt.  Naturally we're going to distrust it when it has the capacity to wield such power over us, and a history of misusing it.

Rogan: Though, here's our disclaimer: we actually support therapy.  We think it is an immensely powerful tool when wielded properly, and though we've seen people really fucked over by the health system, we've seen far more who are at the mental equivalent of walking around on a broken leg, too afraid to go to a doctor.  I should know, because I was one of them, having mental crashes every day, holding everything together pretty much through pure tenacity.  Don't be that person.  Please, find the therapist who works for you, if it's within your means.

Sneak: Rogan talks about this a lot more here.

Question #4: I know you asked me not to, but can't I call you a personality?  I need to differentiate you from people...

Sneak: No, you may not call us personalities.  We don't call you a personality; we call you a person.  For some people, 'personality' might be okay, but it's not okay for us.

Rogan: Double ill-advised points if you have to have it explained to you more than once.  I don't like being called a faggot, or a tranny.  'Personality,' in my mind, is just as offensive.  So is 'part,' 'piece,' or god help me, 'fragment.' All those words are used to dehumanize me; I don't want to hear them.

Question #5: Are you going to seek integration/a cure?

Rogan: Of course not.  Only sick people seek cures.

Sneak: I don't want a cure for being asexual, or for being neither a boy or a girl.  Why should I want a cure for existing?

Rogan: Especially since the only "cure" I know for existence is to stop existing.  Which means, you know.  Dying.

Sneak: I don't want to die!

Rogan: Yeah, most people don't.  And implying that we should is not going to get you on our good side.

Question #6: Can you prove you're multiple?

Rogan: No.  Subjective experiences are intrinsically unprovable.  Ask the gay people who stagger through decades of straight marriage before finally coming out.

Sneak: We've never been in for an MRI, and I don't know that it'd prove anything anyway.  We've never gotten formally diagnosed, because it requires time, money, and would have such drawbacks as making us ineligible for a working holiday visa to New Zealand. (Which we liked having.)

Rogan: Can you prove that you're straight?  Can you prove that you're singlet?  Can you objectively prove that you're speaking to me right now?  Come on, guys, don't be that person trying to unravel our universe; we don't go around unraveling yours.

Question #7: any question concerning the identity of our "host," "core," "original," or "real person"

Sneak: This one is problematic just because we don't have a host, core, or real person.  Seriously.  We don't.  All of us can name when and why we came here; the most senior member of our system is Gigi, who came here around 2001/2002.  Me and Rogan?  March 8, 2004.  Miranda?  Spring 2005.  Mac?  March 2007.

Rogan: What's interesting to me is that singlets tend to assume that the host/core/whatever is the person speaking to them.  Our front tends to cycle; Miranda held sway for a good chunk of '05, me and Sneak were the major hitters back in '07, and now it's mostly me and Mac, with the focus shifting towards Mac as he works a job for us.  Nowadays, people assume I'm the real person, even though I've only been here for six and a half years and in my opinion, bear little resemblance to the girl who ran things way back in the day.

Sneak: If anything, it speaks to the assumptions a lot of singlets have that presumes that reality is what they interact with, and anything behind the scenes is less so.

Question #8: do the voices tell you to do bad things?

Rogan: This is in similar vein to the old classic, "are you dangerous?" Again, it presumes that being multi must be a frightening, difficult, bad experience.

Sneak: When really, it doesn't have to be.  Sure, we have to deal with people being cruel or unintentionally hurtful because we're multiple, but on the whole, being multiple hasn't been nearly as hard as worrying about being multiple.

Rogan: Regardless, the best quick answer to this question is the one my husband Mac says, "I tell him to do naughty things, and possibly sinful things, but they're all very much good."

Question #9: what gender are you/how do you identify/are you a boy or a girl?

Sneak: This one isn't offensive so much as it is a complete brain-breaker.  It's like walking up to an entire family of mixed genders, and asking them to say what gender all of them are.

Rogan: We are incapable of answering this question.  We avoid it at all costs if we can't come out, because Jesus Christ, how can we decide? No matter what we say, we're disenfranchising the majority of our system! (We have two men, one woman, and two kids off the gender binary.)

Sneak: We mostly run into this really well-meaning question in singlet trans circles.  It's normally a nice question to have, but unless we can come out, there's no good answer!  We opt out when we can.

Rogan: If the question comes from children, I've developed the habit of replying with, "Sometimes I'm neither, sometimes I'm both.  What do you think I am?" I also wrote a story about this problem here.

Question #10: OMG multis are so fascinating please let me learn all about you I've never met a multi before!

Sneak: This isn't a question, obviously, and it's not so much ill-advised or offensive as a little creepy.

Rogan: Imagine it this way.  You are a black person walking down the street, when suddenly, this really perky white girl runs up to you, hugs you, and cries, "Oh my gosh, you're a black person, aren't you?  I've never seen a black person before!  Wow!  This is amazing!  Please, please let me know all about you!"

Sneak: I think a lot of people think this is a compliment, that they think we're so interesting, but really, it's kinda a little startling and weird.  It's like we're not human beings so much as an exotic sideshow or something.  Maybe we're just used to thinking we're more normal than we actually are, but just a, "Hi, I'm curious about multiplicity and you seem cool.  May I watch you?" is plenty, really.  You don't have to gush over us!

Rogan: At the same time, this particular behavior isn't a huge deal.  It happens, and on the list, it's possibly the least obnoxious.

Sneak: Oh yeah, if you did this, don't beat yourself up.  Just don't do it anymore!

Question #11: How can you identify as such-and-so if your body is a such-and-so?

Sneak: All of us get this question to one degree or another, mostly because we're lacking that "real person" we mentioned earlier.  None of us match the body entirely.  I'm young.  Rogan's a boy--though if he's in the body that makes it a boy too, in my opinion, but a lot of people don't see it that way.  Even Miranda, who's a cis girl and the right age, has pretty different facial features and an accent most people think sounds British.

Miranda: I don't know why.  I'm from Texas!

Sneak: However, I notice people seem to have a much harder time with Rogan being a boy than they do with Gigi being ten years old, even though transgendered people are mentioned in pop culture but age-shifted people don't ever come up.  I think it's interesting.  Maybe people figure that every grown-up was a child once upon a time, but that being a different gender is some totally alien unfathomable thing.

Rogan: Again, this can be probably blamed on the singlet assumption that what they see and interact with is reality, and everything else is less real.

Sneak: In reality, we see ourselves very differently than our body.  It doesn't control our age, gender identity, sexual orientation, or physical appearance.  To go back to the car analogy: it's how we get around and interact with other cars, but it isn't us.  We just try and make sure the car is in good repair and is comfortable for everyone to drive.

Question #12: will you have a sex change/get a penis?

Rogan: This one pretty much invariably comes to me, seeing as I'm the guy who fronts most and identifies as trans.  It makes me cringe, for a myriad number of reasons.

Mac: First of all.  What makes you think he doesn't have a penis?  The body isn't him, remember.  It's the car.

Rogan: Also, just because I'm a guy, why does that mean I would undergo invasive, expensive surgery with (to me) unsatisfactory results to get a corporeal penis?  The things are smaller than your average guinea pig. They aren't that critical to everyone.

Mac: Also, he's been a guy since day one.  What exactly would he be changing?

Rogan: You get it.  It's an awkward, poorly worded question that seems oddly fixated on my genitals, for someone who's not intimately involved with me.  But most of all, and probably the most jarring to me, is the presumption that I will completely ignore any gender or body concerns the rest of the system has purely out of my own dysphoria.  I mean, seriously now, that would be incredibly arrogant and self-centered of me.

Miranda: That said, as a system, we have, through much discussion, debate, and compromise, agreed to make some modifications to our body and social interactions so Rogan will feel more at ease with our body and our social role.  But in exchange, I demanded the concession that he will never seek an unambiguously male appearance.  He can not legally change our name to Bill, grow a beard, and so on.

Rogan: So no, I am not "getting a sex change" or "getting a penis." I'm putting the body through a double mastectomy that I alone will undergo, possibly go on testosterone for a brief period, but that is it.

Question #13: why would you date a headmate when there are real people out there?

Rogan: So glad I have only found one person with the sheer jackholishness to ask this question, but I am positive other people have thought it at me and just been too polite to ask.

Mac: Now, if I were feeling punchy, I'd say that it's because I'm just so fantastic that nobody compares.

Rogan: But the reason I'm married to Mac is for the simple reason that I love him, we balance each other well, we've been through a lot, and I don't want anyone else.  Period.  He's not inferior to corporeal people.  It causes some frictions in our relationship (for instance, we can't get away from each other if we're mad) but also some benefits--he sees me exactly as I am.  No magical utopian relationship, no inferior freakshow.  Just marriage.

Mac: And a wonderful, happy marriage it is, too!

Rogan: Seriously.  I don't go around asking you why you date people of color when there are white people around, because it's really fucking rude.  Don't ask me why I'd date the man I love.

Question #14: Wouldn't it be easier if there was only one... other around?

Sneak: No.  Why would it be?

Rogan: Well, admittedly, the more people you have in one space, the more opportunities for conflict.

Sneak: Well, yeah, but you don't walk up to families and ask them if it wouldn't be easier if they only had one kid, instead of three.  It's totally denigrating all the wonderful things that might come from having three kids!  Especially when we aren't really suffering from our number.

Rogan: True.  That is pretty problematic.

Sneak: I mean, it'd also be easier if you were straight, or if I was a girl.  But I'm not, and you're not, and we're still happy, healthy people anyway.  And I don't really appreciate the implication that we might want to, you know...

Rogan: Kill our family because it'd be 'easier'?

Sneak: Exactly!

Question #15: What is you/your body's sexual orientation?

Rogan: Again with the idea that the body is reality, and everything else less so!

Sneak: It's pretty tenacious, isn't it?

Rogan: Okay, guys, let's be clear about this.  Our body is like a car.  It is not an independent entity.  It can't turn on the ignition by itself; it needs the driver to do that.  Physical arousal has nothing to do with attraction, as any poor person who gets a boner in eight grade math class, or suffers an orgasm during rape, can attest.  Attraction is a personal, mental thing.

Sneak: We all have different sexualities, except for me and Gigi, who are both straight-up asexual.

Rogan: And I'm mostly asexual--demisexual queer gay, if you want to get really technical about it.

Miranda: And I like men.

Mac: And I mostly like girls.  And Rogan.

Rogan: You get it?  Different all over the map.  Our body and none of its system members ever had any attraction to women until Mac came here.

Sneak: Some argue that this means sexuality is a choice, and that by saying our body has no sexuality of its own, we're going queer people a mega-disservice.  In my opinion, that's totally irrelevant.  If some people can choose and some people can't, who cares?  It doesn't give you any right to be mean to people.  I mean, I might choose to convert to Judaism, but that doesn't mean it's okay to be anti-Semitic at me.  It just means people are different!

Rogan: And so are we.  That's our reality, as far as we can tell.  That doesn't make it your reality, and that doesn't mean our reality can't change, but right now, this is what it is.

Question #16: What's your "real" name?

Rogan: I've had people ask me this before, and it gets old really quick.  My real name is Rogan.  Our real name is Loony-Brain or LB.  What are you really getting at here?

Sneak: I guess people think that if they know our legal name, they'll know us better.

Rogan: Newsflash: you won't.  Nobody, and I mean nobody calls us by that name anymore, except for our family, who we have either cut off or aren't out to, and a couple people who have known us for over a decade so haven't quite finished swapping our names over yet--and even then, they only use it to mean the group of us or before they figure out who's talking.

Sneak: Plus, we've had people use our legal name as a way to erase our identity.  You know, like, "Oh, you might think you're Sneak Lee, but you'll always be so-and-so to me." It's like they're saying they know us better than we do.  And that's pretty presumptuous!

Rogan: Plus it's just rude.  Unless you are writing us a check, you have no reason whatsoever to know our legal name.  So don't ask.  If we're okay with you knowing, we'll tell you.  It's not that hard to find out.

17. Isn't that schizophrenia?

Rogan: We have never gotten this question, but apparently a lot of other multiples do.  To which I say-- *throws the DSM at you* READ A BOOK.

Sneak: I think this happens because people confuse the concept of "voices in your head" with "multiple people." I have always understood it--and keep in mind, we're not authorities on schizophrenia--that schizophrenics tend to perceive the voices as external.  They are coming from somewhere else.  With multiples like us, we perceive our voices as coming from within us.  They aren't just voices; they're people, who follow specific behavior patterns.

Rogan: Furthermore, schizophrenia has many other different symptoms than just "voices in the head." It is incredibly short-sighted to equate the two things.

18. So you are basically a disease then?

Gigi: No.  You have a disease.  It is called Chronic Stupid, and it makes you say very rude things to people without thinking first.  You should go to a doctor for that.

Rogan: Er, more politely speaking... we have just had to explain many times that multiplicity is not intrinsically bad, harmful, or causing nonfunctionality.  Calling me, my life, and all the wonderful things I contribute to it a "disease" is rude as hell.
We have some watchers who wanted to learn more about multiplicity. We've done a lot of 101, but we've yet to cover some of the really jackholish questions we get asked. So me and Sneak decided to tackle it.

Multiples: if you've been asked an ill-advised question, feel free to mention it to us, and we'll add it!

Disclaimer: This is our experience. It is not universal for everyone, and probably won't even be universal for us in the future. Do not presume that any of this is prescriptive for manners regarding all multis, queers, trans people, or dead bisexual Southern Baptists.

--Rogan and Sneak

EDIT: see the converse of this piece, OK Things to Ask Loony-Brain!
Add a Comment:
KyeWriting Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Another interesting read. I get a feeling you've suffered a lot of ignorance in your day.

Disclaimer of my own: some psychotic voices are external. Many aren't. When I was psychotic - granted, not schizophrenic, but still - all my voices were inside my head. Well, almost.

You know, I think this thing actually scares people even more to ask multiples questions. Not saying it's a bad text, I found it interesting....but still.
thatfoxfacedbastard Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
I know you said not to say, oooh you're so interesting. But I find all of this really interesting. I'm kind of a multi myself, but not the same as you guys. I definitely have one main personality (cardi) and then the other two (Lorelei and Alex) mostly live inside my head and mostly only talk to me, not to other people (though Lorelei has been known to yell at people when she's mad, and Alex has had conversations with various therapists over the years). So it's really neat to see how your experiences contrast with mine. Thank you for sharing this. I admire you lot.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012
No problem, and thank you. And every system is different; there's no shame in that!

Lev-Nougol Featured By Owner May 26, 2011
@ question #16

I absolutely abhor people that insist on knowing/using my "real" name.
It's very insulting for people to tell me who I should be according to their ignorant process of categorization.
Yes, you knew this name in relation to me once, or yes, it's the title of my legal fiction, but it is most certainly not my personal identity.
Get over it.

For the record, not exactly a multi, but my conscious is somewhat segmented, and I've gone through too many metamorphoses of self to count...leaving me as a much different person than once I was.
Besides, I had no say in what my parents named me, and as they are of very little relevance anymore, I don't see issue with my deviation from their idea of who I was/should be, much less anyone else's.

Thank you, Loony-Brain, for sharing with everyone regarding your own particular experiences and understanding.
I find myself better informed.

Also, of further note, I'm glad the mental health profession has been kind to you as well.
It took a long time to find a therapist that worked for me, I see her every week now.

It's been a privilege. :handshake:

ArynChris Featured By Owner May 24, 2011
Rogan: Imagine it this way. You are a black person walking down the street, when suddenly, this really perky white girl runs up to you, hugs you, and cries, "Oh my gosh, you're a black person, aren't you? I've never seen a black person before! Wow! This is amazing! Please, please let me know all about you!"

^*cough* This is even more hilarious to picture if you've actually seen it. And Asian people. Or, in many foreign countries, any American will get this reaction.
thatfoxfacedbastard Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Oh man, my sister is blonde, and when she lived in China, people would come up to her on the street and ask if they could take picture with her, or get the children's picture taken with her.
ArynChris Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012
Is her name Karen? XD I've never gone to China personally (Great Wall looks pretty on a map, but I'm not sure it's worth the trip), but I had a blonde friend myself (Karen) with that same experience. She lived in some major city there for a year and half growing up.
thatfoxfacedbastard Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2012  Professional Traditional Artist
Nah, Aimee. She was teaching English over a few summers.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner May 27, 2011
I have not, though when I was in Japan, we did get a fair bit of attention. Still, at least people were polite.

ArynChris Featured By Owner May 27, 2011
True. ^^
Secrets-Of-Paranoia Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
I feel so ashamed; I know that if I had met multi people and had not read this (And probably still a little after reading it) I would have been just another offensive douchebag trying in vain to make how they are in some way relatable and therefore invalidated.

It's the human condition; I'm sure you have all encountered it before, but tragically uninformed people like me really just want to explain things that they can't understand. And especially GQ people like myself should know better than to do so.

Long story short, this was helpful to at least know how to not be a bumbling idiot around multis, if maybe still be somewhat confused.

(But of course I would have to be confused, this is something I absolutely cannot empathize with, as any singlet person cannot. It is an experience completely outside of myself.)

But I was just wondering; Do or have any of you had any scientific interest in why this might occur in a single body? Any explanation, or even curiosity? Theories? It's terribly interesting, I confess. But people of different experiences always interest me. {Beg my pardon if this is an ill-advised question.}

So that you don't think I'm being rude, I actually have no real theories as to why I do not identify with my birth gender. I am quite curious, but I have found nothing in the scientific field with sufficient citation to take at all seriously or even bother to read.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2011
Miranda: I don't think our experience being relatable means you're invalidating it. Being plural is, like many things, not a binary; many singlets can identify with at least facets of the experience--especially with such things like soulbonding, walk-ins, and being median under the plural umbrella.

But I was just wondering; Do or have any of you had any scientific interest in why this might occur in a single body? Any explanation, or even curiosity? Theories?

Rogan: Curiosity, yes. Explanations, none whatsoever. Every time I try, my head seems to pull some new surprise on me--and the brain is still a black box to pretty much every scientist under the sun. From a psychological point of view, I have a pretty decent idea for a lot of it, but from a hard science view? Not a fucking clue.
Secrets-Of-Paranoia Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
When I say invalidate through relating, I mean like this;

When I was a kid, I would go through grocery stores staring at the ceiling, walking slowly and using my hands and feet to go through; I would pretend I was blind.

When I was in cars, I would slump over against the window pain and pretend to be dead, so that other people would percieve me as a different person.

types of experiences as a kid would make me think as an older person now that multi people were just in a more complicated, psychologically protective version of a similar roleplay.

If that was at all coherent and made any sense whatsoever. ^^; That's what I meant about somehow invalidating it; For some reason, any majority wants to discount and shrug off the issues and realities of an unfamiliar minority.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2011
Ah, I understand what you mean. And you're right; it is QUITE a different experience.

But it's good that you're willing to think through your own reasoning process like that. Many folks don't make it that far.

--Miranda and Rogan
Secrets-Of-Paranoia Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2011  Student Traditional Artist

And thank you, I pride myself on thinking logically and not conforming to the assumption that negative stereotypes are always true.
Meeresbande Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
We like the way you work together to answer these!
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
I was feeling annoyed that day, so I decided to collaborate and do it dialogue style. ^_^ It worked for the old Greek philosophers!

Meeresbande Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
"It worked for the old Greek philosophers!" - lol! :lol:
Child-of-Horus Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Here's hoping my question doesn't tweak any nerves:

Just to clarify, and I won't pry any deeper because I know all this stuff is private and touchy,
but I was wondering if the arrival of the everyone was due to trauma? Most multiples I know
have been through some earth-shattering horrors in life which probably caused the multiplicity.
But I have also heard that this is not always so, and it was never clarified as if they were
born that way, or whatever else it could be. Please enlighten this knowledge-seeking singlet
so that she does not inevitably step on future multiples' toes!
I am currently dating the two most fronting alters in a system of around... oh maybe 70.
And just to make it fair, you may ask as many and as complicated questions as I ask you. lol
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
"I was wondering if the arrival of the everyone was due to trauma?"

If you mean multis in general, no. We know some folks on the multi spectrum who're multiple from channeling, soulbonding, being bored, or were just plain born that way.

If you mean us personally, we haven't suffered any "earth-shattering horrors," but all of us can point to a specific need we fulfilled, and it was pretty much always some stressor. We've undergone rape and bullying, but not nearly to the extreme that is traditionally associated with multiples.

And cool that you're with a multiple. We know that singlet/system relationships come with their own set of issues, and good on you for being willing to face them!

Child-of-Horus Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah that clears things up a bit; and has actually reminded me
of a few things. ^^; I'm a ditz occasionally.
And thank you! I believe that I was always supposed to be with
a multi, as my soul never felt complete or satisfied with other
BabakoSen Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This may be jackholish, but since you are all different ages, do you find or have you ever found that some of you are more knowledgeable/experienced in school/work/life than a person of your "car's" age should expect to be? For instance, when your body was prepubescent, if you can remember that far back, were one or more of you already sexually aware? Do any of you have academic skills beyond your body's years that none of you were taught in class?
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
This question is totally fine with us, no worries.

"Do you find or have you ever found that some of you are more knowledgeable/experienced in school/work/life than a person of your "car's" age should expect to be?"

Mac: I'm the only person here who's older than the body right now and actually done schoolwork, but I was terrible in school as a kid, so no. I was, however, better with customer service, people skills, and crappy jobs, because... well, I've done a lot of them.

Rogan: In general, when it comes to specific knowledge--speaking Spanish, doing calculus--it does not transfer. If the body hasn't learned it, none of us will have it. Info gets stored in neurons after all, which are part of the brain and therefore the body. However, social skills seem to be transferable.
BabakoSen Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Interesting... :iconsmokeplz:
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
Is there anything else you're curious about?
BabakoSen Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Hmm...can't think of anything else at the moment. Thanks for educating me, though.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2010
No prob!
MishiMallow Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I hope I've never been rude when talking to you, I'm the type of person who words things badly, or over thinks things so much that when I do say it, no one can figure out what the hell I'm trying to say.

If I ever do offend you, please just say so. I know how annoying it can be to field ill-advised questions all the time...but I also know that everyone has lapses in judgement sometimes (Though I can't believe people would actually ask most of the questions on this list. Those are on a need-to-know basis, and usually the person asking doesn't need to know!)

I hope that I can get to know all of you better over time. From what I've seen you're very interesting and intelligent people and I like that. Intelligent people are hard to come by these days.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
No worries. This post wasn't made in response to anyone specific on DA; it's more a general purpose "argh, please don't do this" thing.

If you slip, we'll let you know. So far you're doing fine though.

AmbrMerlinus Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
Thank you for sharing this. It's very educational, and more than that, it's on a subject most people seem to know little to nothing about. Definitely filling a void with this article.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
Thanks! And yeah, we've rarely seen any discussion on this kinda thing, so we do it ourself.

demonic-chick43 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
Hurrr...I'm confused. Which identifies as female and which is male? :confused: I've only ever spoken to Rogan
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2010
The gender line-up:

Rogan <-- trans man
Mac <-- cis man
Miranda <-- cis woman
Sneak <-- androgyne
Gigi <-- "gender is stupid"
demonic-chick43 Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
Wait,'s rogan and mac that are married, right?

Jeez, I don't know how you guys keep up with it all. ^^;
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
Yup, me and Mac are married.

Ha! This is nothing, you should see the larger systems. Some of 'em have whole galaxies in their heads. Whole other ballgame. We're one of the SMALLER systems we know.

demonic-chick43 Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2010
*snicker* You mean they systems?

XD Sorry, that was mean...couldn't resist. :heart:
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
*groan* That was HORRIBLE. Nicely done.

demonic-chick43 Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2010
Zoom-A-Lark Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
I'm glad you got this out. The dangerous thing is rude, and I don't think any of you are bad.

I did say the thing about the mult- I really can't say it. You're not. You're individual people, and I get all awkward when I say that. Mostly, I don't want to say anything that'll make me sound rude, because that's not my intention to do to anyone here. Trolls or bigots, on the other hand...

Glad you all posted this for me. I'll refer to this when I'm talking to you, but I don't think you'll be hearing a lot from me in terms of questions about stuff like that. Mostly getting to know all of you and whatnot. I'm just interested in people :la:
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2010
No prob. We're glad the post was handy to you. And yeah, we are glad folks on DA have been so quick to call us 'people' when we mention it. So far, nobody's really been dickish when we've asked not to call us that.

Zoom-A-Lark Featured By Owner Dec 31, 2010
It certainly was. I always thought you guys as different people, because it would be rude to call you all one thing :( It's kind of like grouping everyone a certian stereotype; it's downright annoying. That's good :) I wouldn't think anyone would D:
OkamiGohan Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
Ouch. I winced at some of these questions. Why would somebody need to know some of those personal things? There is a certain acceptability for plain old curiousity, but come on people. Know when to draw the line.

I can see a lot of generic questions about a "Host" arising often, mainly because people have a difficulty to think of a system working from a different perspective. I can understand the frustration from those questions, but I think people just need to grasp the concept first. Asking these questions helps them, I guess. But that doesn't make it any less annoying, eh?

I hope you won't mind me asking this, because it might be ill-advised for myself, but how do you find the term 'personality' dehumanizing? I can understand it being annoying in the sense that it is the only term used, but it is still technically a term applicable to everyone, is it not? My brother and I, we are two different personalities. That doesn't stop us from being people.

I am not saying that I will use that term- if you don't like it, I will respect that. I am still just a little confused on your opinions of the word.

Just one other question, completely irrelevant: Why in question #15 was it written "you/your"? I can't seem to figure that out, and it is kind of bugging me...

At any rate, kudos for making this. Hopefully, this will help to see all rude or just plain irrtating questions go away.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2010
"I hope you won't mind me asking this, because it might be ill-advised for myself, but how do you find the term 'personality' dehumanizing? I can understand it being annoying in the sense that it is the only term used, but it is still technically a term applicable to everyone, is it not? My brother and I, we are two different personalities. That doesn't stop us from being people."

Miranda: No, your question is a reasonable one, and you put valid context to it. The word 'personality' is problematic because it is often used INSTEAD of 'person,' because that way, the discussion around a system member's personhood can be glossed over and skipped. The quote we use here (source of quote is here) is an illustration of that; 'personality' is used as a substitute for person, to denote a lesser status.

Rogan: Thus 'Multiple Personality Disorder' rather than 'Multiple People Disorder.' Personhood, in many people's minds, is inextricably linked to the possession of one's own body. People very rarely refer to singlets as personalities--with the exception of celebrities such as Howard Stern, for instance. Why? Because it sounds a little odd or clinical. Singlets' personhood is generally considered self-evident, so 'personality' is considered a facet of their being.

"Why in question #15 was it written "you/your"? I can't seem to figure that out, and it is kind of bugging me..."

Rogan: Oh, that's just because people will try and ask our body's sexual orientation, or ours, using the more general 'you.' So we get asked "What is y'all's sexual orientation?" and "What is your body's sexual orientation?" interchangeably. Does that make more sense?
OkamiGohan Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2010
Aha, I see. So it is more so the term is used in the term that is used exclusively- like telling a woman that they are a toy, and nothing else. Or something along those lines. The sources you linked me to are pretty harsh. It is awful to believe that somebody could condone such treatment of people.

Thanks for clearing up the word usage as well. I think I understand now.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010
Yeah, that's pretty much it. It's like adult black folks getting called 'boy;' the word alone may not seem loaded, and in the right context may not be, but far more often it's used condescendingly.

And that link, alas, is from the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation, which makes scientific journals on the subject every year, and is pretty mainstream.

OkamiGohan Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2011
It is awful how that comes around. I am always afraid when I speak to ANYONE nowadays, because you never know what they might find offensive. Heck, maybe mentioning the weather is now considered offensive to a certain minority because it is a slang offensive term or something. Somebody has to draw a line.
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2011
In my case, I figure that if I'm going to offend someone by accident, I might as well get it out of the way, get called on my shit, and then I learn from the experience and won't do it again. Nobody can predict everything, so offending people is just a natural part of life and learning.

If I'm not a complete dumbass, or the person is willing to give me another shot, then everything works out and I come out wiser than before. I mean, I've had friends who've said pretty "I want to smack you with a brick" things unintentionally, and we were able to stay good friends anyway because they learned.

The issue isn't the mistake so much as accepting it with grace and learning from it, in my opinion.

OkamiGohan Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2011
I guess that makes a lot of sense. However, I know that some people would not have the level-headedness to hear me out though. And I seem to be quite a spineless little fool at times, and would probably just end up shrinking into a corner repeating "I'm sorry" over and over again. I would need to stay a little repectable in order to explain my mistake.

At least I now have a game plan in case that happens. Thanks!
BaaingTree Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2011
Enh, there will always be people who aren't in the mood to deal--including myself. Human nature; not much you can do about it. Self-assertion takes practice and effort, more than people are usually willing to admit, but it can be done!

Muzica-chan Featured By Owner Dec 21, 2010
Eh, I wanted to leave a decent comment, but all I can think to type is that I wish Rogan and Mac a long, happy relationship. ^_^ Time apart is the only decent thing about dating other people, really.

I hope this doesn't fall under the 'rude things' category and if you have answered this question else where I apologize, but are you aware of what each other is/the others are (not sure how to phrase that) thinking?
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